Be alone with thyself

This may get a little philosophical. 

It’s the consequence of spending a week in bed alone. For the most part, I had to restrict my sensory input, particularly as it pertained to my eyes. Yes, at the tender age of 44, I finally decided to get my eyes zapped with lasers. 

While I could entertain myself for portions of the time with podcasts and some meditation – and let’s be clear, no one can or should meditate for longer than an hour at a time – this was ultimately insufficient in preventing a gradual mental decline. 

When we are alone with our thoughts, dark things can happen.  

I was relieved to learn that I’m not alone in this respect. In an experiment of over 400 American university students, researchers found that half the students did not enjoy the experience of spending 15 minutes alone in a room without any distractions. This is perhaps not surprising. 

More surprising was that nearly half of the participants would have rather endured a small electric shock than have to sit through another 15 minutes alone with their thoughts. 

Think about that. How dangerous our minds must be that we can’t be left alone with them for minutes. Like I said, dark things can happen. 

Alone by myself, without books or Netflix, I became a slave to my mind and its emotions: Regretful at one moment, content at another, inspired for a while, and then irritable. What is it about lying uselessly in bed for hours at a time that makes one irritable?

It becomes impossible to stop thinking. I tried the old Jedi mind/meditation trick, to simply think about nothing. Just let those thoughts float by like clouds. There they go... But oh, they’re coming back and they’ve transformed into something ominous – looks like they’re beginning to swirl.  

Why am I dwelling for the hundredth time on a negative life event? Do I get some sick satisfaction out of my own torment? Or is this the “electric shock” I desire in place of boredom?  

I’ve often wondered whether I require continuous distractions in life to prevent certain thoughts from overtaking me. 

For some people, these “life distractions” come naturally. I once worked for a man who was inherently optimistic and happy. He was a marvel to observe. It was like he was injected with a happiness hormone every morning (to my knowledge, he was not on “meds” and to further my confusion, he only drank decaffeinated coffee). 

We are all wired differently and it results in different personalities – some are inherently happier than others. But environment also matters. 

I should be cautious to go back to the same example over and over again, but a book about a tribe in the Amazon was mind-blowing for me. These hunter-gatherers are arguably the happiest people on earth. They laughed when a missionary told them about a relative who had committed suicide, not out of disrespect but disbelief. How could anyone take their own life when life is so good? 

The Piraha live simple lives with few modern-day pressures. From what I gather, they also don’t sit alone with their thoughts for long, perhaps because someone will interrupt them. But when they do get a chance to sit on the forest floor to meditate(?), maybe their thoughts are so positive, like clouds, they simply float away. 

I can honestly say, I don’t know... What I do know is that in our culture, some of our greatest battles are fought from within. 

If you dare, try it for yourself. Be alone with your thoughts for 15 minutes and see how you fare. 

Perhaps you’d prefer a jolt of electricity instead?