Memories of Ukraine

It was a bitterly cold day in October, the day we got married in Ukraine. 

To be fair, it was sunny. Much better than the foggy, rainy day prior. It would have helped too if our wedding wasn’t at nine a.m., but it was the only spot left at the marriage palace in my wife’s home city of Zaporizhzhia (I’ll use the Ukrainian pronunciation even though almost everyone from this Russian-speaking part of the country would call it Zaporozhye). 

For almost the entire day, a kind woman spoke English into my ear so I could understand what was going on. Currently the head of a non-profit organization operating in Zaporizhzhia, she has fled with her husband to Romania. From there she continues to direct operations remotely to keep in contact with the parents of children with disabilities. 

Our wedding day was filled with tours and photographs and then much eating. It must have been some combination of the food, emotions and perhaps champagne that did me in. 

The next morning, I couldn’t move out of bed without the room tilting to one side... and then to the other. It was the beginning of a traveler’s sickness that would incapacitate me for the next five days. Let’s just say that many home remedies were applied. 

Once recovered, our honeymoon could begin in earnest. After travelling by train through the night – no time is wasted in Ukraine – we met our friends in Kyiv. (The train station we left from was bombed last week, a 25-minute walk from where my wife used to live.) 

Once in Kyiv, we were immediately fed and taken care of. My wife’s friends had a newborn at the time who, similar to me, was suffering from gastro-intestinal issues. Another home remedy was successfully applied. 

Their daughter is now nineteen and will hopefully be joining us in Canada next month to work and possibly study. She was only two months away from completing her computer graphics degree in Kyiv before the war broke out.  

Her family built a house in a suburb southwest of Kyiv, a beautiful town with parks and forest nearby. The last time we visited in 2009, they cooked us shish kebab the Ukrainian way – simmering over a fire in the woods. 

As far as we know, their suburb has not been bombed, but to the north and south there have been strikes and fierce fighting. The Russians are attempting to infiltrate the city through the northwest. Because of their lack of progress, many fear they will resort to indiscriminate missile attacks. 

I’ve been to Kyiv a number of different times. There are many things to see: majestic churches, museums, and monuments – so much history and grandeur. It’s a beautiful city. I can only hope it stays that way. 

Back in 2002, we toured the museum commemorating the victory of the U.S.S.R. over Nazi Germany (the irony of Russian accusations of neo-Nazism in Ukraine is not lost). It made me realize how important this piece of history is to Ukrainians and Russians alike. The German occupiers were reviled, beaten back into submission after years of occupation. We also saw the “Peoples’ Friendship Arch,” a monument to commemorate cooperation between Russia and Ukraine. Again, the irony. 

We had hoped to return to Ukraine this summer as a family, to show all these things to our daughter who can’t remember the last time she was there. Barely two years old, her favourite word at the time was, “I want Mommy.” We have photos of her eating ice-cream in central Kyiv where the Maidan Revolution took place in 2014. 

The likelihood of us going to Ukraine in the near future is low; if anything, our friends and family will be coming to Canada. It can’t be soon enough for us, but many feel an obligation to remain; to not leave their husbands who are now part of a war, or to not leave their jobs. Many in Ukraine, like my sister-in-law and husband, still show up to work every day to keep what’s left of the economy going. 

They are keeping a watchful eye out for Russian “saboteurs” who are taking videos of landmarks in their town. They are hiding in the nearest basement each time an air raid siren goes off. They are attempting to carry on with regular activities, despite the fact that Russian forces are 30 kilometres south of them across the Dnieper River. 

This is life in Ukraine, a beautiful country now being destroyed. They are a resilient people, but so undeserving of these atrocities. 

Dictatorship has a downside

 

If there’s one thing the Russian invasion of Ukraine speaks to, it’s the destructive nature of dictatorships.  

The destruction in Ukraine is apparent: Billions and billions of dollars' worth of property damage and thousands of lives lost. In Canada, we get concerned when our mortgage goes up by $50 a month. For many in Ukraine, they no longer have a home to go back to. 

This is the power of dictatorship. There's no way Russia could have pulled this off with a free press; with Russian reporters on the ground reporting on Russian and Ukrainian lives lost. This is Vietnam on steroids. This is not some foreign venture in a country where people look different and speak a different language. This is like crossing the fence into your neighbour’s backyard and firing a shotgun at his house. 

The difference is that we would be immediately jailed. Vladimir Putin, a war criminal if ever there was one, will unlikely die in a prison cell. 

But he will be weakened. On the world stage, he's falling into the grasp of another dictator, a much more powerful one. Once again, the Russian people have no idea what they’re getting into. New Russians – middle class and wealthy elites – who live like New Yorkers in Moscow and St. Petersburg – are oriented toward the West. They enjoy going to school, buying properties, and vacationing in Europe and the United States. China is literally thousands of miles away from them, holding about as much appeal to them as Siberia.

By invading Ukraine, Putin has inadvertently signed them up as a junior partner with a power that will have about as much mercy on them as any other indebted nation (and they will be indebted by the end of this). At some point in time, oil and gas may flow from Russia to China instead of Europe, but at what cost and discounted price? Putin should know: Dictators don’t play by the same rules. 

So how do these men (and they’re all men so far) get so much power? Dictators, clever beasts of persuasion, rarely appear as evil as they later become. They enter power as an appealing alternative to the wishy-washy debates of democratic discourse. They are strong and charismatic and may even have the ability to lift their country to new heights. But more than anything, they exude certainty. The general public loves certainty. None of this rambling about policy options and alternatives, like our democratically elected leaders sometimes mumble about in front of the microphone. Dictators know exactly what they want and what is best for their country and in particular, their political base.  

But it never stops there. The longer they remain, the more it becomes about what is best for them. 

After killing freedom of the press and any legitimate opposition, Putin can now do whatever he wants. Russian propaganda has convinced Russians that their family members in Ukraine are under the control of neo-Nazis. Not even their Ukrainian relatives can convince them otherwise. 

It’s true that democracies can also make crucial errors and use propaganda to great effect. But there are checks and balances. The free press can make all the difference in a government trying to cover up scandal or hide information. One has only to look at the Pentagon Papers and its impact on the Vietnam War. 

But most critically, a healthy democracy depends on an engaged public. Our Golden Age is almost too good, in that we’ve forgotten how bad things can get. Ukrainians are willing to die for freedom. The average North American is more like, “Meh, so long as I have low gas prices, I’m happy.” This indifference is heard on the political left and right. Some have glibly said that if we had an autocratic regime like in China, we could solve economic and environmental issues more easily (even though it’s patently false). Justin Trudeau suggested this before he became prime minister – I hope he’s learned better since. 

Or we might say that Donald Trump, an autocrat in the making, is worth voting for because he “gives us what we want.” As in, the ends justifies the means – namely conservative Supreme Court justices. This is enough for many to turn a blind eye to his blatant attack on a legitimate election, threatening the very foundations of their democracy. 

Dictators need support to become who they are, which they get from their most loyal followers. Until it comes to the point, as in the case of Putin, where they really don’t need anyone. 

When one man controls the show, you never know where you might end up. He has you in his grasp, in good times and bad, and may lead you (and the world) down a very scary road indeed. 

One man is inflicting suffering on millions

 

You may be getting tired of the news from Ukraine. I am too. Our friends and family in Ukraine are beyond fatigued. They’re anxious, fearful, depressed. 

Only a few weeks ago, there was normality in their world. Families were gathering. People were working. Young people were aspiring to do great things with their lives.  

Our friends’ nineteen-year-old daughter from Kyiv was expecting to complete her computer arts degree in two months. Her little brother was attending his first year of school. One day before the invasion, they were vacationing in the mountains of western Ukraine. Now they live in the home of strangers in that same region, far away from their home. 

Our friends' children from Kyiv

Their boy celebrated his sixth birthday one week ago, but the happiness was short-lived. A few days later he said goodbye to his dad who made the perilous journey back to Kyiv to deliver humanitarian supplies and take care of their parents. 

The lives of forty-four million people have been irrevocably altered or ruined. There is no Plan B for those who have lost homes and family. Some leave the country with no idea where they’re going. Many are left destitute. 

If there’s one glimmer of hope, it’s the resilience of the Ukrainian people. Ordinary citizens are donating goods and money to impacted areas. A pastor and his wife near Kherson, now controlled by Russian soldiers, continue to bring food and supplies to families at great risk to their own lives. You can read about his first-hand account at the end of this post. 

Desperation on both sides has led to increased brutality. A new generation of Ukrainians will harbour hatred toward their Russian friends and family. Recently we heard of a friend of my sister-in-law in Ukraine who had a heated phone call with his brother in Russia. He was trying to explain the situation, but his brother refused to believe it. In frustration, he hung up, then made plans to join the Ukrainian military. I don’t know how these rifts will ever be mended. 

The Russian people, for their part, are deluded by Russian propaganda. It’s difficult to reason with those who are under the impression that they are under attack. But they will suffer too. Economic sanctions have been cranked up to a level where their economy will contract more than the 1998 and 2008 economic crises combined. 

We can only hope it awakens them to reality. But more than likely, it will simply mean more repression. Vladimir Putin, a hardened, myopic dictator, is undeterred by Russian soldiers dying or his economy tanking. So long as he retains control of his well-compensated inner circle, it will be difficult to rid him of his imperialist goals.  

A Russian journalist familiar with those closest to the president has said Putin has lost touch with reality. He is no longer concerned with the economy, social issues or the coronavirus pandemic. He is concerned only with history, namely the humiliating dissolution of the Soviet Union. To restore the “Russian Nation” is his lifelong goal, and he now appears intent on fulfilling it. 

When you surround yourself with yes-men, you succumb to critical errors. Militarily and economically, Russia is now in a quagmire that could last years. 

Millions will suffer and possibly die because of one man’s megalomaniacal ambitions. 

As always, the innocent will pay the highest price. 

 

To end, I’m including excerpts from an email received recently from a pastor who works in a small church near Kherson, a southern city now occupied by Russian troops. I’ll warn you that it’s graphic and may be difficult to read. I've highlighted a paragraph I thought was particularly poignant.

 

Today our day began with preparing of food kits for people who attend our church.  In the morning I delivered food at these people's homes. 

Near noon, I had to convoy a car that was transporting murdered civilians. They were eight people who had been killed on February 26th near the Chernobaivka-Mykolaiv detour road fork. They were mostly men. Some of them had their hands tied. All of them were shot by Russian occupants. Some were shot in the cars and then dragged to the ditch, some were covered with ground. In all eleven people were found. Horrible, scary, inhuman view.  

We had to load those murdered civilians into a truck and take them to the Kherson morgue.  There were people waiting outside the morgue. They have lost their friends or relatives and don't know where to look for them. One of those people recognized his brother among the murdered.  The other men were undocumented. We assume that some of them are from the village 30 km from Kherson. They were on their way to Kherson that day, but never reached it. They were killed and thrown into a ditch. One of the women in that village recognized her husband. However, she cannot come here and take her husband's body, because it is still too dangerous to go out on the roads. She asks for help. 

This is the day when I realize what exactly war looks like. What an occupant who kills innocent civilians looks like. What the "the Russian peace" looks like.  

We drive through Kherson, taking these people to the morgue, and I saw people in Kherson living a more or less normal life. Most of them hear explosions and shots, but once you get outside of Kherson, the picture is completely different.  

Tonight there was artillery shelling. One of the missiles hit the kitchen of the Stepanivka mental care hospital, but didn't explode! It is a miracle! Every day we pray rockets do not explode! Thank God people can still cook food for patients. Shrapnel flew on the homes of our church members. We constantly hear explosions and shots from all the sides of our town.  

Many soldiers of the Russian army understand that they are occupants and they do not want to kill anybody. But they are ordered to shoot both soldiers and civilians.   

I want to thank all of people who help to look for the murdered, and search for their relatives. They are real heroes! 

Ukraine was divided, but not anymore

  

Before I begin my blog, here are a few updates from our friends and family in Ukraine as of the morning of March 5th, although things seem to change by the minute: 

• My wife’s sister and husband live in a small town in southeast Ukraine. They have not been invaded yet, but Russian forces are close. They live 30 kilometers north of Europe’s largest nuclear power plant, the one that was overtaken by Russians on Friday. 

• There is still food available in this part of the country and bank machines are filled with cash daily, but supply lines could be cut off at any moment. 

• Air raid sirens go off at different times during the day and night, at which time everyone is expected to go into the basements of apartments or nearby apartments if they don’t have them. For some people this is not physically possible. It’s also quite cold and uncomfortable in these makeshift bunkers. 

• Our friends, who live in a suburb of Kyiv, fled on Thursday with their two children to a place in western Ukraine. They live close to suburbs you may have seen in the news, where entire apartment buildings have been destroyed. Despite the danger, her husband plans to return home to take care of their house and parents.

Pray for Ukraine (our friends' son from Kyiv)

I thought I would offer some perspective on the war in Ukraine, as someone who is married to a Ukrainian woman and has friends and family in Kyiv and southeastern Ukraine.

I don’t pretend to know everything or claim to speak for the views of most Ukrainians. As in any country, there is diversity. But what we have noticed is that politically, there is more unity and anti-Russian sentiment than ever before, even before the invasion.  

This sentiment solidified after Russia annexed Crimea and eastern portions of Ukraine in 2014, taking advantage of the political conflict arising in the country. Major protests erupted, known as the Maiden Uprising, after the pro-Russian Ukrainian president decided to move closer to Russia instead of the EU. Victor Yanukovych was eventually ousted because of the pressure, much to the consternation of eastern Ukraine. Russia took advantage of the situation by annexing small but significant portions of the country – regions with the strongest pro-Russian sentiment.  

This is when the tide turned. As my nephew from Ukraine, who actually opposed the Maiden Uprising, said, “If Putin had fully attacked Ukraine at that time, then maybe he would have been successful.” He could have used the divisions in the country and a weaker Ukrainian military to his advantage, putting back into power a president who would do his bidding. 

My wife’s family comes from a southeastern region of Ukraine that has traditionally been more pro-Russia. Most people speak Russian in this area and have friends and family in Russia. Our nephews attended military college in an area that was overtaken by Russia in 2014. 

But after 2014, divisions began to form between the two countries, even amongst families. There wasn’t the same understanding between these two formerly brotherly nations. Russians are fed an entirely different set of news from their state-controlled media; its power over minds cannot be underestimated. 

Propaganda was a tool used to great effect in the former USSR. My wife tells me stories about how, during Soviet times, they were told American children were starving to death in the 1980s. Ukrainians, whose incomes were a fraction of the average Americans, sincerely had pity on them. After watching state-run Russian television these past few days, my sister-in-law says the messaging is reminiscent of Soviet times.  

The West, too, was fed propaganda by our governments and news organizations. We still hold such a negative view of the Soviet Union that we may not understand how devastating its collapse was for regular people. My wife’s childhood in the 1980s was peaceful and very similar to North Americans, but with lower incomes. During communism, there was an emphasis on the collective good of all people, where everyone was at least provided with the basic necessities of life.

The 1990s, on the other hand, meant economic decline for Ukrainian and Russian people, as life savings were wiped out in the matter of a few years. As my wife says, “We got rid of the best elements of communism for the worst elements of capitalism.” The rich got richer while the poor got poorer. My sister-in-law said that when communism fell, it was “Game Over” for Russia and Ukraine. It was from this economic turmoil that Vladimir Putin came into power. 

An American whom we visited while in Ukraine in 2002 said he thought Putin provided new hope for both countries. At the time, I was indifferent. No one quite knew at the time what was to come. But many Ukrainians believed it was more beneficial to be tied to the Russian economy than to Europe's, which could be fickle in its strings-attached policies. 

Now we see the fruits of authoritarianism. We really shouldn’t be surprised, given the destruction Putin has caused in Chechnya, Georgia, and Syria. 

Some have mentioned that it might be better for Ukraine to simply surrender and forfeit much death and suffering. I can understand this sentiment. I thought this was the answer, too, before fighting began. Part of it came out of the belief that Russia would overtake Ukraine’s government in a matter of a few days. I never could have imagined the intensity of the Ukrainian resistance.  

To help myself understand their situation, I try to imagine what would happen if the U.S. annexed Canada without offering any of the benefits of being American citizens: no freedom of speech, no legal rights, and no right to vote. I wonder how quickly we would give up our peace-loving ways. 

This is the existential question facing Ukrainians: Do they prefer peace at the moment for decades of authoritarian rule? Or will they continue to fight, even to the death, to ensure at least the hope of a democratic future?