As 2020 has proven, the future can be difficult to predict. It has a lot to do with the unknown. As a wise man named Donald Rumsfeld once said, there are known knowns, known unknowns, and even unknown unknowns (the things even Rumsfeld didn’t know). So instead of trying to predict what will happen in 2021, I will suggest what will most definitely not come to pass...
Covid-19 is never mentioned again. People just stop talking about it. Covid-what? they say when watching old footage from 2020. Sure some people remember, but when they do speak it's attributed to a mysterious brain fog.
Just as strange, the anti-maskers of 2020 change tactics and begin to wear masks all the time, even when it’s no longer necessary. Some of them even don full hazmat suits. As the pandemic subsides, they suspect the release of a new virus specifically designed to kill people like them: those with genetic tendencies to resist rational thought.
Jeff Bezos goes bankrupt. After riding high for the last decade, the founder of Amazon and once richest man in the world declares his intention to sell his “digital bookstore” for pennies on the dollar. The backlash against his online shopping empire came swiftly in 2021 after Bezos declared his intention to drive Walmart out of business. His proclamation served was a wake-up call for consumers worldwide, who vowed to never shop online again (unless they could get faster shipping). As one Walmart shopper observed, “Is nothing sacred?”
Justin Trudeau shaves his beard. After a year of showing some maturity, the prime minister reverts back to his childish ways. This includes stomping out of a Cabinet meeting when Chrystia Freeland suggests he stick up to the premiers by putting on his “big-boy pants.” Don’t worry, it’s just a phase.
The Super Bowl is cancelled. After holding a relatively successful season during a pandemic, the owners conclude that enough is enough. “We’ve put too many people at risk,” said league commissioner, Roger Goodell, after 284 games played this season. “Why risk any more?” Fans wholeheartedly embrace the decision – the ones who actually watch the event for the football, that is. Those who watch for the ads mount a months-long boycott of all Super Bowl products that brings the league to its knees.
The Star Wars saga continues... and is looking a little desperate. Scraping at the bottom of the barrel, a new series is released: The Life and Times of Jabba the Hutt. From a small worm to a giant, overweight slug, he learns the ways of the corrupt from his father, a real estate tycoon of Tatooine. Watch in horror as he marries and re-marries, has ungainly offspring who also learn the ways of the corrupt, and hustles his way to become one of the most powerful gangsters in the galaxy.
Speaking of which, Donald Trump wins the U.S. election! As it turns out, he was right! Massive election fraud was uncovered in the four swing states he lost, thereby overturning the 2020 election by 10 votes!! The American public is completely convinced that this is above board and welcomes another four years (maybe more) of Trump mania! Yay, USA!!!
Despite Trump’s win, the rest of the world enters a new era of peace and unity. Countries come together to address poverty, war and oppression. There’s an urgency like never before to end racial and economic injustice and to meet all climate change goals... set at the 1992 Earth Summit.
We can always hope. Happy New Year!
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