A couple weeks ago my daughter and I passed a daycare. “See all the kids at the daycare?” I said to her, pointing to the kids playing. Her tone suddenly became serious: “That’s where kids go who don’t listen.”
Yes, every parent makes mistakes. A few months ago I may have threatened to send my daughter to daycare if she continued to misbehave (it was a bad day of child-rearing).
And I can see how the daycare we passed looked a little like kiddy jail. This particular daycare is housed in a small brick structure attached to a seniors’ home, with the front yard being the only place the children can play. The yard is enclosed by a chain-linked fence, with nothing but dirt where grass used to grow. The toddlers have essentially grazed the grass away, leaving a rather hard, gritty playing surface. While some of the kids go down little slides, others are digging in the dirt with their hands. (I would make a joke that they’re trying to dig their way to freedom, but that may not be appropriate.)
With the situation we’re in, I can afford to be critical of daycares and tout the benefits of home parenting. We’re fortunate that my wife is able to stay at home with my daughter. We got into the housing market just before the boom and I have a job that pays well enough for us to survive. By no means do we live luxuriously, but we’re in no way suffering.
Unfortunately, this way of life is no longer the norm. I say unfortunately, because instead of being accepted for staying at home with a child, many stay-at-home parents feel scrutinized.
I hear the stories every day. It’s almost come to the point where a stay-at-home parent is perceived to lack ambition. ‘Why would you not work, if you had the opportunity?’ it’s insinuated. And if you have all this time, you should be able to do lots of things that normal working parents would never have the time to do.
Anyone who’s attempted to raise a toddler or two will tell you that work at home can be more work that going to work. To make matters worse, it’s generally unappreciated work. In the business world, you get bonuses. In government, you get little pins (and maybe a pat on the back!) As a parent, you get, “I don’t want to eat your food! I don’t want to take a nap!” A day in the life of a parent can lead to nervous breakdowns, whereas a day at paid work can lead to promotions. Living with toddlers is an experience unto itself.
I know of women who have gladly gone back to work so they don’t have to deal with their own children. Some women keep their kids in daycare even on their days off. There’s a reason for this.
I was pleased to read an article recently about how things are a bit different in the Netherlands. Apparently, it’s seen as a good thing to work less, and spend more time at home with your family. Both men and women work less and more flexible hours than in North America. And Dutch women, at least, claim to be the most happy of the developed world.
It would be nice to see more of that here. While I don’t begrudge those who send their kids to daycare, I do begrudge those who bemoan their lot in life because they have to work and raise children, especially when it’s to support their 2,000 square foot home, 2 vehicles and a cabin.
In these cases, it’s a lifestyle choice.
In other instances, I can understand the dilemma. With houses starting at $250,000, you gotta wonder if new parents even have an option.
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