Sussexit on out to Saskatchewan

“In Canada, the Commonwealth country where the royal couple and their infant son, Archie, are widely speculated to be considering a move, their bombshell declaration of independence has been greeted with some warmth, a dash of discord — but mostly a shrug.” 

Washington Post, January 12, 2020 

There’s a lot of talk about the latest royal split. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are wanting out, and one of the buzzwords for their royal departure is, unfortunately, Sussexit (don’t say it in front of the kids). 

Speculation is running rampant about where they’ll end up. Los Angeles? Toronto? Vancouver?

Let me suggest a better place. If they want to be free of the media attention, if they want seclusion, if they want to be like regular people, there’s no doubt that Saskatchewan is the place to be. Small-town Saskatchewan, preferably... Somewhere like Maple Creek, Saskatchewan’s unofficial hot spot, a place where, according to their website, “whiskey traders brewed their own mix, where the Native Americans moved with the buffalo, and where the North West Mounted Police ‘settled the west.’” Whiskey traders, Native Americans and the police, all living together in peace – could it get any better? 

I must confess, I don’t know much about this town, but again, based on their website, it appears to be ideal. They’ve got a Visitor Centre, a community swimming pool (summer swimming only), and even an annual Maple Creek Mustering. For those not familiar with a mustering, it can and does involve cowboy poetry.

The town’s location is prime: Close to Cypress Hills and just a short drive to the Rocky Mountains. The community is perfect for those wanting to escape attention, where, to quote a familiar Saskatchewan tune, there's not a lot goin’ on. 

That is until the royal family arrives. I can just hear the coffee-row banter now: “See the new folks in town? Kind of uppity, eh? Didn’t even set up an account at the Co-op, but... I guess that’s okay. Sure sound funny when they talk though, eh?” 

The novelty wouldn’t last long. In no time they'd be expected to do all the things people in small-town Saskatchewan are expected to do. Pick up the mail at the grocery store. Wave at people on the street (kind of similar to a royal parade). Join the town council. 

If they want to be regular people, this is it. For Prince Harry, it will be the exact opposite of everything he will have ever experienced. Without the media constantly on his tail, he might even begin to feel... insignificant. That pesky reporter from the Maple Creek News-Times won’t feel nearly as intrusive as the London paparazzi. 

What a golden age we live in, where even the royals want to become commoners. They said they want to achieve financial independence. In other words, they want to struggle like ordinary blokes, just like me!

If he can get a work permit, maybe Harry will find a job at the local hardware store. Could be tough though, as royalty doesn't count for much in our points-based immigration system. More than likely, American-born Meghan will have to be the breadwinner. With her acting abilities, she'd be a hit in a rejuvenated Corner Gas series. Or they could start their own reality show and call it "Small-town Royals" – but maybe that's what they’re trying to escape... 

In the end, I'm sure they'll make ends meet. Meghan probably has a few dollars stashed away from her stint in Hollywood, and I’m sure Harry’s got some royal paraphernalia he can pawn off. 

That should at least cover their moving costs. Maybe even skating lessons for the kid.

Hey, no one said living a regular life was easy.