Hazards of the Hallmark card

Valentine's Day is fast-approaching and the question I continue to wrestle with is this: Do I dare buy a Hallmark card?

It can be risky. You see, card manufacturers have a little dirty secret most men are not aware of: They recycle their cards, year after year after year.

This reckless act of marketing laziness could lead to a rather embarrassing event, where the same card is presented twice – to the same person. 

Not only that, but their costs are abhorrent! A few years ago, my wife and I committed to not buying birthday cards anymore for that very reason. I mean, $8 for a card?! Does one really need those laced edges and sparkles? It seems so frivolous. 

But we couldn't hold off. For some reason we started buying them again. Maybe we realized it was the words. More specifically, the lack of words I could muster to write on a blank card. Hallmark does a pretty darn good job of expressing how I feel, or how I should feel.    

I used to write poetry, but that was when I was young, aloof and depressed. I honestly don't have the will to write that fluff anymore (I save it for my blogs). And I find it extremely difficult to sign a card without sounding agonizingly untrue to myself.  

But Hallmark... they know what they're doing. They can create the perfect card for you. Take your pick, there are usually at least 20 to choose from. 

Usually there's a card that calls out to me. I read the first few lines and I know – it's the one. Sometimes without even finishing, I'll run to the till to make my purchase. Discretely, I place the card face down so only the barcode is showing, concealing my romantic aspirations. 

But inside there are winsome words that will make my wife's heart melt like... like the cheese on her morning toast...  

"For my loving wife, today, tomorrow and always." 

No better way to start a card.

"Remembering the way we were, when love first linked our hearts as one, Reminds me how much joy I felt when life with you had just begun..." 

All completely true and accurate, but sounds better than, "Remember when we couldn't keep our hands off each other?" 

"Thinking of the way we are, the trust we have, the warmth we feel, Reminds me what a gift it is to share with you a love so real..." 

Nailed it again. Notice the subtle repetition, the parallel structure to emphasize that I am continually reminded of the gift that is our shared love. So important for men to remember on their own.

"Dreaming of the way we'll be forever friends and partners, too, Reminds me time can never change my deep and lasting love for you. Happy Anniversary." 

Note the subtle undertones of marital commitment, of sensible sober love. Friends and partners, not even lovers, yet we can still dream of lasting love. We can dream, can't we? It's magical. 

I knew from the start that this was the one. The one that I present to my wife on our fifteenth wedding anniversary. The one that would make her heart melt like... like ice-cream after a ten-second blast of the microwave (she prefers it that way). 

And for a moment it did. 

Until she saw the same card on top of her dresser, signed by me, one year ago to the day.

Happy Anniversary, from Hallmark.