Dear Corey,
Welcome to Saskatchewan!
I hope you don’t mind us calling you by your first name. Here on the Prairies, we’re a little informal – some say a little backward, too, but to this day I have yet to see a "banjo-pickin' inbred." Hey, it takes talent to pick a banjo!
I’m sure you’ll enjoy our home grown hospitality, where people will actually greet you on the street. How they greet you is another story. Let’s just say that losing streaks don't go over so well here. One thing I can tell you for sure – a visit to the grocery store will never be the same!
News travels fast in Saskatchewan, and everyone is looking forward to the next season with you as head coach. Not sure if you’ve heard, but our last season didn’t end so well. It didn’t begin too well either. There was this guy named Greg, you see, who never really warmed up to us. We tried to like him through those first eight games, but our prairie patience can only take us so far. We hadn’t yet reached mid-season, and we were burning his effigy. But you’ve got to believe us when we tell you that things don’t usually end this way.
Although I would be remiss to not mention the whole manure incident. Back in 2004, a certain kicker of ours got manure dumped on his driveway after missing a kick in the playoffs. It was shameful, really. Shameful that it wasn’t actually his driveway, but his neighbour’s! He lasted one more season with us, bless his young family. He now wins Grey Cups with BC.
Speaking of BC, there was also a tiny little incident when some of our fans started throwing beer cans at a certain head coach named Waaally (at least that’s what we like to call him). Hey, it takes two to tango, and we all know the man was completely unprovoked when he started to show the wrong finger to the crowd!
One more thing you’re probably aware of, as you coached in Calgary. We’ve got a serious disdain for Henry Burris. Ever since he left our team for greener pastures in Alberta, we’ve never quite forgiven the man. Sure we love to chant “Heeenry” at games to mock the pivot and spread rumours about him in the offseason, but you gotta believe us, it’s all in fun!
But this isn’t a time to talk about all the bad stuff that goes on here. It’s time to talk about renewal and new beginnings. That’s what the offseason is for. It’s about what next year will bring. You better enjoy it, because this is the best time to be a Riders head coach!
And whatever you do, don’t feel bad that you weren’t our first choice as coach this year. You see, there’s this guy named Kent Austin, who flew in for one year and won us our third championship in a hundred years, and we kind of like him now. We begged him to come back, but he didn’t. Never mind that, okay? We still think you’re swell. In Saskatchewan, we’re used to settling for leftovers!
Just remember, we’ll always have your back (so long as you’re winning).
We’ll always give you advice (even when you’re winning).
We’ll give you at least four games to get settled in (two of those better be wins).
And we’ll always, always be thinking of, talking about, and debating about you (you better get us in the playoffs, you hear?)
Welcome to Saskatchewan!
Sincerely,
Rider Fans
oh but ain't it the truth
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