We hear about them, but rarely do we see them. We know their likes and dislikes. We sometimes hear grumbling, when they didn’t pick up the kids when they were supposed to; or how money gets spent; or how dinner didn’t get made. We think we know them, but we don’t ever really know them.
They are the office spouse, and, to this day, they remain largely a mystery.
We don’t even know what they look like. Family pictures rarely make it into the office. Unless you just got married and have a wedding picture to show off... but even those get yanked after a year or two. Kids, yes. Everyone has pictures of their kids. But not the elusive spouse.
“Who was that woman?” my co-worker asked a few years ago after seeing me on a noon hour stroll with an attractive female.
I was tempted to say: “Nobody at all. Please don’t tell my wife.” But not wanting to start another office rumour, I replied honestly: “That’s – my wife.” Immediately, I could see the wheels turning. She was reconfiguring all her preconceived notions of who my wife was, or who she expected her to be.
It all comes down to expectations. And some people are great at lowering expectations when it comes to their significant other.
A co-worker of mine liked to tell stories about his wife who had immigrated from another country. He tended to use a thick accent when imitating her voice, which usually involved her yelling at him for doing something wrong. As a result, we had formulated a picture in our minds of a rather large, husky woman, who demanded all but obedience from her meek, mild-mannered husband. This was completely unintentional – the guy really loved her – but the stories he told us made his spouse into a near-mythical character.
Imagine our surprise the day we met his petite, pretty wife who meekly said hello to us before leaving us all dumbfounded.
Always remember: Mystery spouses are real people with real feelings. They deserve no judgment. Remember that you, too, may be one of them... in another office, maybe not so far away, you are the mystery spouse.
If you’re smart about things, you might cultivate a positive image of yourself in a chance encounter like a Christmas party. The one time when you might spot the elusive mystery spouse is then. This is a great opportunity to show your best side, to leave a lasting impression for the rest of the year.
Although I must say, since the pandemic, even our Christmas parties have become spouseless. And no one wants to change it back. Clearly, we don’t want our work and personal lives to mix. Like George Costanza from Seinfeld, we want, above all else, to keep our two worlds from colliding. Because as we all know, “A George, divided against itself, cannot stand!”
There’s some truth to the two selves of our personality. We may act a certain way at work and a certain way at home. An introvert can become an extrovert at work only because the job demands it, but when he/she comes home, their energy is spent and so the evening is spent in a catatonic state.
Or maybe your work is simply a place to earn an income. All the energy and enthusiasm you lack at work, you put into your after-work hobbies and activities. That’s a particularly good thing if you’re easing into retirement.
One of my co-workers says he’s not sure what he’ll do in retirement because he has few hobbies. His work provides his life with structure and self-worth. Fortunately, his spouse has plans for them... or so I’ve been told. I’ve never met her, but she seems nice. A little controlling, but nice.
Again, no judgment.
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