No longer screaming for more streaming

  

I’ve been a loyal Netflix subscriber since 2014, when I accidentally attached my TV to a twenty-foot cable running to my modem.  

Okay, maybe it wasn’t so accidental. I wanted to watch one show. Back then, maybe they only had one? I didn’t know much about streaming back then. I didn’t even understand the term binge-worthy, but I soon would. Since Netflix came online, millions of hours of sleep have been reduced worldwide. House of Cards, Breaking Bad, Damages... They were all consumed in record time. If you haven’t heard of them, let’s just say there’s a dark pattern that emerges. 

Binging always feels good at first, but the withdrawal can be a killer. You start to wonder about life's purpose. The real problem with Netflix is that you can burn through shows too fast. When a new season of Feed Phil comes out, we consume it voraciously (much like his mother’s matzah ball soup), without taking the time to really savour it. There’s no slow burn which, incidentally, is the Netflix category of shows I can’t get enough of. 

Say what you will about basic network TV, but it paces you. Waiting a week for a new episode creates anticipation. Watching in real time makes you think you’re part of something bigger. You can discuss it with co-workers because it just happened. Remember Survivor pools? I know, so old school! 

Limiting good television also makes you treasure it more. At most, there are a couple good shows worth watching each week, which makes me truly value the time I have in front of the TV. 

With today’s Netflix, I'm starting to wonder: When is enough enough? Maybe it’s time to put a little more thought into what’s being put out there? While I appreciate the two to three shows that get pushed out every 48 hours, there's something to be said for scarcity. A diamond isn’t worth much if they’re everywhere. 

If you can even call them diamonds – new shows come and go like cheap rhinestones. Miss a few days of streaming and you’ve forever lost your chance to see another Netflix feature on a serial killer from the 80s. A show that took an excruciating two to three months to create is gone forever, lost at the back of the queue! 

Even worse, I’m convinced that Netflix invests virtually no money into its algorithm. Based on its recommendations, it must think I’m a 13-year-old girl who wants nothing more than to binge on Wednesday and Gilmore Girls. Watch one romantic comedy with your wife and it throws the entire system of kilter. Remember, I like slow burns. 

This is not to say I plan on cancelling Netflix. Quite frankly, I don’t know how. And my family is utterly dependent on it for sustenance. My daughter’s grown up with it – although I think she’s finally outgrown it. Like others of her generation, she’s officially converted to YouTube Shorts (emphasis on short). 

YouTube, which has been around forever in tech years, now dominates Netflix and all streaming platforms by a long shot. Even the NFL has jumped on board with its season opener broadcast on YouTube for free. That doesn’t seem right to an old-school dinosaur like me, but to many young people, it’s their only source of video entertainment. How else will they learn about sports?? 

YouTube and TikTok are winning the battle for young eyeballs. That’s because they abide by the new rules when it comes to entertainment: 1. It must be brief and 2. It must be watchable on the smallest screen possible: Your phone's.

The beauty, and the danger, is that we no longer require a twenty-foot cable. 

Earth's wobble destroys faith in stars

  

Among other things, the Earth’s wobble bothers me. 

I try not to dwell on it but... Why? Who would design this wonderful sphere we depend on for life to wobble? Not to get into a theological debate but... this does seem rather calculated. Someone was clearly messing with us. 

Perhaps you don’t believe in God but rather the stars. Well, here’s something interesting for you: The Zodiac is a bust. That’s right – and I take great delight in saying this – due to the Earth’s wobble, you’re no longer the astrological sign you think you are. I encourage you to get your birth date checked out based on the latest star readings. 

To explain, we must go back 2,500 years ago when the Zodiac was created by the Babylonians. They divided constellations into 12 unequal segments of the sky so your birth date roughly coincided with a constellation that aligned with the sun. Yeah, weird. What they didn’t know is that the position of the stars shifts by one degree every 72 years due to – yes, you guessed it – the Earth’s wobble. Like a spinning top, the earth’s axis moves around and, over centuries, those shifts add up. 

This means constellations that aligned with the sun during Babylonian times no longer align at the same time of year. Even more concerning, my birth date constellation is no longer what I once thought. No longer am I a “diplomatic, gracious and fair-minded" Libra. Instead, I’m a “hardworking, kind and analytical” Virgo. What the heck?? I built my life on this stuff!!  

Sure, maybe it checks out. I can be kind, analytical and, at times, hardworking. 

But what about my life partner? I married her under false pretense, thinking she was a “progressive, original, independent” Aquarius. Now she’s a “responsible, disciplined and self-controlled” Capricorn! Huh... Who am I to argue with the stars? 

Thankfully, we’re still compatible. We’re both earth signs now, making us technically “soulmates”. According to the “stars” (i.e. Google), we just need to learn to have more fun. So true. 

Yet it still bothers me. I really wish the Babylonians had had a better grasp on astronomy. So good at astrology, yet so bad at astronomy. 

Even Galileo believed in the stars. I mean, of course he believed in the stars, but he believed in the woo-woo guide-me-in-all-things stars, too. This great astronomer taught an astrology class and wrote horoscopes on the side! This is the genius who proved heliocentrism: the theory (and it's just a theory, much like gravity, germs, global warming...) that the earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around! He had to recant his views after pressure from the Catholic Church and was nearly driven mad (I'm speculating), so he wrote horoscopes to ease the pain. 

If only he knew about the earth’s wobble. Then he could have changed astronomy and astrology as we know it today. He could have corrected the Zodiac signs that have absolutely no chance of being changed today despite all the scientific evidence. 

If there’s anything harder than changing the views of the Catholic Church, it’s accepting we aren’t at all who we think we are.