Saskatoon Separatists Unite!

 

The one thing Alberta separatists forget is that the Canadian flag goes bye-bye. No more half-torn Maple leaf flags flowing from the back of your pickup trucks. And no more F— Trudeau (or F— Carney??) imprinted on your back windows. That’s the sole right of Saskatchewan rednecks now.

Don’t get me wrong, I take separatist threats seriously. The threat of Quebec separation in the 1990s was very real, like a potential divorce after a long marriage. As it turns out, we can still live together, just in different rooms. 

The threat of Alberta separation, by contrast, feels more like a prepubescent teenager threatening to run away from home. A wealthy prepubescent teenager, mind you, like a child star who struck it rich and now wants to leave his loving parents. And no, I don’t feel bad saying this. Because I’m from Saskatchewan – much the same lineage, but a little more responsible and a whole lot poorer. We’re the little brother who can’t afford to run away.

I can understand how Quebec feels different from the rest of Canada with their distinct language and culture, but how exactly is Alberta unique? They have a higher chance of wearing cowboy hats? Even that is suspect.

Alberta likes to rebel because they can. They’ve got economic clout. They’ve been saving up, working the oil rigs for years in order to run away from Liberal Canada.

I understand how you feel, Albertans, but have you really thought things through?  You’ve heard of Brexit, right? The U.K. has had seven prime ministers since that fateful vote in 2016. Is Danielle Smith prepared to be president of a failed state? (Remember, Trump is watching.)

When Quebec threatened to leave Canada, the question was raised as to whether Quebec could also be split up. Most Indigenous people didn’t want to leave Canada, arguing that portions of northern Quebec should remain as part of Canada.

If Alberta were to separate, a more comical question arises: Can Lloydminster really be split up? Will we erect our own version of the Berlin wall, keeping the Albertans on one side and Canadians on the other? Cross the border for low-tax lumber and you might be shot!

If everything can be split up based on political differences, then maybe Edmonton should consider separating from Alberta. Maybe it’s time Saskatoon separates from Saskatchewan. Saskatoon Separatists Unite!

Let’s be our own little nations and make our own little laws. It’ll be fun, at least for the first few months.

It’s not good for any nation to split up, at least not at this point in world history. Strength is in numbers. Our species is one of cooperation, leading to the great success story of the modern world we live in. Did I mention that divorce can be financially ruinous??

The economic argument is something that should appeal to Albertans. How do they think they’ll get more oil out to port as their own country? Carney will charge them an arm and a leg for each barrel that flows out. Let’s not forget it was Trudeau (the F—Trudeau guy) who bought and expanded a pipeline from Alberta to the Pacific coast, tripling the amount of oil that can be transported, at NO COST to Albertans!

The only thing that Alberta will get from separation is the very real possibility of becoming the 51st state. And I guarantee you, Trump will not be buying you any more pipelines.

Too dark? How about this AI-generated image of Lloydminster after Alberta separation? 😅

Chaos at the AB-SK border