Shower heads lead to toilets lead to...

The innards of a bathroom not up to code

           All we wanted was a new shower head.  Didn’t really need much else.  But if we were to install a hand-held super deluxe shower head, we might as well replace the mould-filled shower diverter trim (you know, the thing that turns the water from cold to hot).  It had mould in it since we bought the house.  But it was contained in the crystal knob, you see.  Not dangerous at all.  Like pre-2002 Iraq, it was contained.  Just don’t bust it open, lest you release the weapons of mass destruction.

            So we decide to change the shower head and diverter trim (whatever you call it!)   But we're informed, if we do that, we’ll need a new tub surround.  We could get a cheap surround installed.  Or we could check out a place like Bath Fitter.  Hmmm... their estimate comes to $2500.  No tax, but no thanks.

            Enter my handy neighbour.  I inadvertently notice he has a fancy looking marble tiled bathroom that he has done himself.  And he’s looking for work... for $25 per hour.  In Saskatchewan, if you can get a contractor for $25 per hour, you better be sure the guy is for real.  He looked okay to us.

            We decide right then and there to forget the surround – decide to go with something fancier like ceramic tile.  Might as well take the walls out, too, advises my neighbour, in case there’s mould.... uncontained mould.  We agreed.  There’s a little patch behind the surround that I douse with bleach.  “That’ll do,” says my neighbour, as I madly scrub the little green specks to oblivion.

Our super duper shower head, and more...

            The plumber came by to do the pipes.  He shows us what was wrong with the initial hook-up behind the wall.  “It’s not up to code,” he tells us.  It gives us a nice feeling inside that we’re now “up to code.” 

            Then he notices our toilet.  “Hmmm,” he says, looking at the serial number.  “This may be one of those toilets.”

            “One of what toilets?” I ask, knowing this isn’t leading anywhere good. 

“Oh, one of those that Crane made in the 1980s to save money – their tanks are faulty.  Millions of dollars in litigation over it in the U.S.  I won’t re-install this toilet – I just can’t knowing the risk.”

            While grateful that my plumber has a conscience, I’m not thrilled about spending an additional $300 on a toilet.  Until I sit on it.  It’s heavenly.  Sitting at 16.5 inches, elongated bowl, water-saving but extra power flush (apparently can flush down 100 golf balls) – this toilet makes you want to go to the bathroom.  (My wife doesn’t quite understand the thrill.  She likes the shower head better.)

            So we got the new toilet, new tiles around the bathtub, and most importantly, a new shower head. 

            But what about the floor?  That old linoleum has got to go.  We tile the floor, too.

The toilet that makes you want to go

            Next up?  The medicine cabinet – my wife never liked it.  Might as well buy the best and biggest medicine cabinet Lowe’s has to offer.  Problem is, the lights above it don’t really match anymore.  New lights – hey, I can install those!  Great, saved some cash!

            Finally, the countertop.  Might as well change that, too.  Thank goodness for ready-made countertops.  Fits perfect, after a little rejigging.  Put in a new backsplash, change the tap to match the bathtub fixtures, repaint the whole room, and we’re done.

            I now understand renovation inflation. 

            After about 30 trips to Lowe’s and three sleepless nights about how high I wanted the shower head, we got what we wanted.

            My wife got a new shower head.  And I got a new toilet.

Obama, Romney look to captain Titanic

          As the American election looms, there is one thing that is certain – American elections are great entertainment.

          Not to say that the last Canadian election didn’t have entertainment value.  The rise of the NDP, the surprising Conservative majority, and the decimation of the Liberals was all very amusing.

          But nothing compares to the two-horse race that takes place every four years in the United States.  Where candidates spend millions and millions of dollars over what would equate to 36 election periods in Canada (2 years versus six weeks!)  Where a candidate’s facial expression in a debate is even more important than what the other candidate is saying.  And where candidates can talk on end for months without addressing any real issues.

          This election is about the economy, like it usually is.  Except in 2004, when it was about Iraq – back when Americans could be led easily into unnecessary wars.  Not anymore.  It’s all about America again.

          For all of Obama’s faults, he didn’t do badly with the cards that were dealt him.  He inherited the worst recession in nearly a hundred years and two incredibly costly wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He then went on to pass a momentous healthcare bill, one that would address many of the shortcomings of a for-profit healthcare system. While it gets little attention this election, it's one of the greatest acheivements of a Democratic president since Lyndon Johnson introduced Medicare for seniors.  It's no wonder Republicans became upset.  

Republicans, in turn, played upon the fear of average Americans, who worried about being subjected to death panels - you know, like the kind we have in socialist Canada.  Thankfully for the GOP, fear is alive and well in the American psyche.

          Americans know they are no longer on top of the world economically.  The average working salary has been hit hard over the last five years.  Many auto workers, who could at one time earn a respectable wage with respectable pensions, are now divided into tiers – those who were hired before 2007 and those who were hired after.  Those who were hired after receive about 2/3 the wage as those hired before.

          These are some of the ill-effects of globalization and the financial collapse.  Obama did his best to combat the ill-effects with an auto bail-out, while Romney, who made his money off of failing firms, probably felt it would have been better to let the economy do what it does. 

There is something to be said for both approaches, but much like Hurricane Sandy, an unregulated market is an unwieldy and unpredictable entity.  It can ruin lives.

          There is an unspoken mantra in the US suggesting that if you fail, you deserve to fail.  Build too close to the coast, you deserve to get flooded, at least once every one hundred years.  Get sick without adequate insurance, you deserve the treatment you receive.

          Of course Republicans would never say this outright, lest they lose most of the middle class vote.  They will say they fight for the middle class, while continuing to bless the rich with tax cuts, and continuing to cut the programs that the neediest are dependent upon.

           But I’m letting my own personal bias show through in this otherwise objective rant (yah right!)

          In the face of economic hardship, political gridlock, and ballooning government debt, the United States is sure to provide even more spills and thrills in the upcoming months and years, whoever wins this election.

          Just as the sinking of the Titanic provided endless entertainment, America’s present-day trials and tribulations will continue to feed the news outlets of the world (not to suggest America is in any way going the way of the Titanic, but perhaps is veering a little too close to the icebergs).  Whatever happens, everyone will watch.

And America will continue to enjoy the spotlight.

Ben Johnson still more popular than Bolt

Some random thoughts on the Olympics....

           There’s nothing that brings a country together like a bad reffing call.  The women’s soccer match between the US and Canada involved two game-changing calls that left our nation speechless (until Canadians started voicing their opinion).  I was pleased with the public outrage, but not with the FIFA threats to suspend players for speaking out at the end of a highly emotional game.  Refs who make poor calls in a game need to be taken to task, not by players, but by the governing organization.

            The great thing about the Olympics is that women’s sport gains some prominence (and I'm not just talking about beach volleyball!)  The women’s soccer matches made headlines in the United States and Canada this year.  While women’s hockey is also strong in Canada, it gets trumped by men’s hockey.  Good thing our men stink at soccer!  That being said, there is still a bias against women’s events – the men’s 100 metre gets twice the attention as the women’s, even though in the Olympics, a medal is a medal.  Enough Usain Bolt already!

Speaking of Bolt, there’s something about this man that really rubs me the wrong way.  I suppose arrogance comes naturally when you’re the fastest man in the world.  His behaviour after the 200 metre suggested he’s above country and countrymen.  While his second and third placed teammates were honouring their homeland in their after-race interviews, Bolt was tweeting that he’s “the most naturally gifted athlete the world has ever seen.” The documentary that CTV ran on him didn’t help, portraying him as a saint right up there with Mother Theresa.  The fastest man in the world gets way too much air time.  Apparently, he also rakes in 80% of all corporate endorsements in track and field.  I should think he can afford to supply his former Jamaican school with running shoes.

            A gymnast from the United States showed what not to do when you finish second – let your disdain show when they award you the medal.  Someone on the web has made something of this, allowing you to insert her foul expression into other scenes.  McKayla Maroney is not impressed… with a lot of things.

            I’ve watched a little of the Olympics on NBC, and I must say, the Americans have some good commentators.  They know how to tell an athlete’s story without disrupting the flow of the competition or sounding too biased.  Canada has some good commentators too, but we also have Rod Black.  Known for his play-by-play in football and figure skating (yes, the two go hand-in-hand), Black always has some great quotes, known unofficially as Rod Blackisms.  His most memorable quote this Olympics was, “Jump for joy, Canada!” after Rosannagh MacLennan won gold in the women’s individual trampoline event.  Another blogger has identified a number of Rod Blackisms from the 2010 Winter Olympics.  After Virtue and Moir skated their program, there came this gem: “Flawless. If there was a slip, it was nary a slip.”

            I’ve noticed a lot of the athletes banned from the games for doping are from relatively small, poorer nations.  Is this because they don’t have the advanced technology to get away with it?  The extent of doping has got to be higher than what is revealed in tests, but of course it’s taboo to talk about.  It’s amazing how many elite athletes get caught years after the fact, such as Marian Jones who won 5 medals in the 2000 Olympics, then admitted to doping 7 years later.  In the case of Ben Johnson in 1988, it was more like minutes.  Nevertheless, it made him the most popular athlete in Canadian history who didn't win an Olympic medal.  Now that’s worth something!

My dad just joined the iRevolution

            You know there’s a revolution going on when my dad will pay half a grand for a phone.  Not any phone, mind you – it’s an iPhone.

            This is the same person who didn’t touch our computer for the first 5, maybe 10, years we owned it.

To his credit, he was one of the first to buy a home computer.  I don’t remember how old I was, but the computer was a Tandy 1000 with 256K and no hard drive.  A floppy disk was all you needed!  It was top of the line, for a few months anyway.

            It was used primarily for games and word processing, and my dad rarely used it.  And this is nothing against my dad (as we are still close to Father’s Day, I don’t mean to poke fun.)  It’s just the way it is for many people who don’t have an interest because there isn’t a need.  When operating a grain and dairy farm, and being a minister, there's no time to generate an interest.

            The same could be said for my use of Facebook, which I still can’t figure out (I seem to have lost a friend lately – seriously, I can’t find him anywhere).  And I still have the old flip phone that doesn’t do much but transmit voice signals. 

            We only try to master the things we have a true passion to try to understand.  By generating interest for all generations, the iPhone has achieved its marketing goals.  I never would have thought people would be so interested in paying over $600 for a phone, plus a monthly plan.  That is amazing.  Apple, you have done it.

            It goes to show how fast things can change in a few years.  A Blackberry was the thing to have not so long ago.  I had the fortune (my wife would say misfortune) of having one of these through work at one time.  It was an amazing device that kept me up to speed on everything.

            The only think I didn’t appreciate were the small keyboard numbers for dialling.  This was simply intolerable while driving.  Back in my day, you see, you could actually drive and talk on the phone – yes, in my day you could also text while driving, completely oblivious to your surroundings for minutes at a time.

I wish I knew how to rotate this awesome pic, but I don't!

As a consequence of the small keyboard, I got a flip phone for calls and used the Blackberry for e-mails.  I wasn’t interested in the cool look, you understand, as I had holsters on both sides of my belt.  Now everyone just slips them in their pocket, feeling around for them awkwardly each time they go off.  I love the holster, but because of societal pressure, I can no longer wear it unless my jacket is a certain length to conceal my electronic device.

But I’m getting off topic.  The titans of Blackberry were quite an example of technological hubris.  They didn’t see the iPhone coming.  They thought they were invincible.  When I saw the first iPhone four years ago, I also thought it wouldn’t go anywhere, with that big blank screen (probably would’ve helped to turn it on).

Then my friends started buying them, then my co-workers, and now my dad.

Next it will be my daughter begging me for this glorified texting device so she can stay tuned in to all her social networks every minute of the day.  A student who was living with us last year showed us how it’s done.   She carried it with her while eating, playing cards, watching TV, and probably while sleeping.  It might as well have been implanted.

Now my dad is doing the same thing… carrying it with him while eating, seeding, playing cards – checking the weather incessantly… And yes, if I owned one, I would be the same way!

But I won’t.  'Cause if I get one, my daughter will want one.  And THAT is not gonna happen until she’s 18.

The same holds true for dating.

I fell off my bike (and didn’t get back on... yet)

            When I was young, falling off your bike was a rite of passage.  You wiped out, got your wounds cleaned, then got back on your bike again.

            It seems I’ve reached the age of entitlement.  Now when I fall off my bike I require an ambulance and four hours of emergency care, not to mention a week-long hiatus from bike-riding. 

            Mind you, I can’t recall ever falling off my bike this hard before.  It wasn’t like I was doing some stunt or racing a car down a street or chasing down a burglar – I was merely heading to work, when I decided to make a right turn (too suddenly, apparently) on a rather slippery street. 

I must have hit the pavement hard and fast because I don’t remember any of it.  Usually one can stick out a hand to break the fall, but in this case, it was my head/face that broke the fall, or so I was told.  I remember vaguely one of the city workers who found me talking about a “face plant.”  I wish I could remember who these people are but the whole incident was a blur.

Losing consciousness is an interesting thing.  We do it all the time as we drift off to sleep, but rarely do we get the wind knocked out of us.  It’s interesting that I can’t actually remember myself falling, nor do I remember waiting for the ambulance for 15 minutes – it felt like seconds.

Thank goodness for good-natured city workers – I wish I could remember who they were or what they looked like – I would thank them for pealing me off the pavement and giving me all those wet wipes for my bloody face.

Being in any kind of accident reminds a person how fast things can happen and change for the worse.  Fortunately I didn’t have any long-term damage (ha ha –we’ll see), but an accident has the potential to change one’s life forever. 

It can be costly, too.  I’m fortunate to have work benefits to cover the costs of the 1. ambulance ride (it was great, by the way – would highly recommend); 2. a new lens for my glasses; and 3) dental work on my front tooth that was chipped.  These expenses are minor compared to what some people have to go through, particularly if they have to take time off from work.

My injuries weren’t very severe – a scraped face and minor concussion.  And looking on the positive side, I gained a slightly new perspective on things (can't quite articulate this yet, but I’m sure it’ll come).

So long as the accident isn't too serious, we can learn from it and move on. 

I hope to be biking again soon.

Leave renos to real men (and women)

            I have a lot of respect for those who can renovate their own homes.  In an age of do-it-yourselfers, it’s quite an honour to be able to say, “See that new bathroom vanity?  I did that.”

            I’ve got a few of those places in my own home.  “See that new light fixture?  I did that.”  “See that caulking in the bathtub – I did that.”  “See that new drywall and crusty mudding that still isn’t painted?  Yah, I did that, too.”

When installing light fixtures, turn off electricity

            You get the picture – I don’t do renovations on a large scale.  I try to patch up small areas where I can to maintain our home, but I certainly don’t try to make any structural changes.  And I avoid contractors as much as I possibly can.

            When it came to installing new plumbing under my sink, I let a friend do it – having only done it once before, he did a fabulous job (still no leaks!)  When I needed an extra cabinet beside my newly installed dishwasher, I got my brother-in-law to do it.  And he too did a fine job with the supplies he was provided with (I only gave him $20 to work with – just kidding!)

            Contrast that with a few experiences I’ve had with contractors.  When I got a contractor to put in a new countertop in my kitchen, he got the measurements wrong and had to do the whole thing over again – a process that took six extra weeks.  When I got a so-called plumber to hook up my dishwasher, he hooked up the wrong pipes.

            That’s not to say that there aren’t good contractors out there, but one must be quite wary of the quality and cost.

When caulking, use your finger to create a nice smooth surface

            In a booming economy like ours, contractors are a costly bunch and hard to find.  If you can get a trusted contractor who works for $50 an hour, you’re doing quite well.  Compare that to my dad’s handyman, a retired farmer who will fix anything that is made of wood or steel, and works for a humble rate of $15 an hour.  Your best bet is to find someone you know.

            That’s why I also feel sorry for those who have the innate ability to fix things.  They’re in high demand.  I’m sure they select their friends carefully.  They look for friends with newly renovated, well-maintained homes.

            When we bought our home we were pleased with the work that had already been done.  We didn’t want a fixer-upper, but nevertheless, there are always things you want to change in a 35-year-old home.  Renovating our basement was my own personal project that brought about some tears, but also a sense of accomplishment once it was done.  (I should clarify – when I say renovate, I mean painting the walls and ceiling, adjusting some wood panelling, and installing new light fixtures!)  The new carpet and trim was professionally installed – I don’t dare dabble in work involving air guns and saws that require electricity.

On drywall, try to fan the mud in all different directions

            Sure, as my handyman cousin suggested, I could have saved some money on the trim by buying a saw myself and doing the work.  And sure, I could have also had one less finger – would I be the better for it?  Not at all.  There are some things I would rather not learn how to do.  I simply do not have the interest or temperament.

            Give me a book and I’ll write you a book review, but don’t give me a hammer and nails to make a bird house. 

            And I feel no shame.  So I paid someone a few hundred dollars to expertly do something I could spend months learning to do on my own?  I saved both time and tears (and I do cry when it comes to renos).

I take the view of one of my co-workers who was rather frank when commenting on what he did last weekend.  “I cut the grass,” he said.  “I didn’t do anything else.  I don’t like to work with my hands.”

Amen, brother, amen.

Ukraine needs morale boost

            Like the majority of self-absorbed North Americans, I could care less for soccer.  Even though I grew up playing it every single recess from grade 3 to 6, I didn’t grow up watching it.  I grew up watching football (real football!) and hockey, as did all of my peers, and so my interests developed accordingly.

            For me, soccer is a little like hockey but without the fighting and sticks.  Kick a ball, run, kick it again.  Kind of like golf but with running involved!

What we’re missing in North America is the entire soccer atmosphere.  We don’t build soccer stadiums, we don’t have soccer heroes (David Beckham is way too English for L.A.) – we simply don’t have the same soccer hype.

            In Ukraine, like most non-North American countries, soccer is huge.  My nephews in Ukraine follow it religiously.  And so it’s a pretty big deal when this country gets its first chance to co-host the European Cup.  It will be an even bigger deal if the Ukrainian team can make something of it.

            For a country that can’t seem to get much respect, they need the morale boost.

            While Ukraine has been granted a golden opportunity to host the third largest sporting event in the world, it hasn’t exactly been shown much love by western European countries.  German and French leaders announced they wouldn’t attend games in Ukraine due to the political circumstances.  Former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko (and political opponent of the current president) has been in prison since October 2011, a clear no-no when it comes to functioning democracies.

            It certainly is true that the current Ukrainian president is a criminal and a thug – he was charged twice in his lifetime with robbery and assault!  He was also behind the rigged elections of 2004 that brought about the Orange Revolution.  Now he’s the president after the government of western-backed Victor Yuschenko failed.

            To say it is the fault of ordinary Ukrainians, however, is wrong.  The public tried to restore democracy to their country in 2004, with few results to show for it.  Ukrainians are held captive by a struggling economy, divided Parliament, and corrupt ruling class.

Ukrainians are used to being viewed as “less than” the rest of Europe.  They know they don’t have the same wealth, democracy, and social programs that western Europe enjoys.  Like in so many poorer countries, their most talented people leave if they can.

            And so it would be quite satisfying if Ukraine could turn the tables on western Europe.  They’ve already shown they can beat a good team by upsetting Sweden 2-1 in their first match.  They’ve got the kingdoms of France and England up next.

            Fortunately they have their star player back.  Andriy Schevchenko, who once left Ukraine for greener soccer fields in Milan at the height of his career, is back in Kiev to finish up. He’s what Wayne Gretzky is to Canada, and he’s their only goal scorer so far in the tournament.  His return couldn’t be more symbolic.

            If there’s anything that can get me interested in sport, it’s the human aspect, where an underdog defies the odds.

            As little as I understand of it, I could get caught up in the soccer craze yet.