Shower heads lead to toilets lead to...

The innards of a bathroom not up to code

           All we wanted was a new shower head.  Didn’t really need much else.  But if we were to install a hand-held super deluxe shower head, we might as well replace the mould-filled shower diverter trim (you know, the thing that turns the water from cold to hot).  It had mould in it since we bought the house.  But it was contained in the crystal knob, you see.  Not dangerous at all.  Like pre-2002 Iraq, it was contained.  Just don’t bust it open, lest you release the weapons of mass destruction.

            So we decide to change the shower head and diverter trim (whatever you call it!)   But we're informed, if we do that, we’ll need a new tub surround.  We could get a cheap surround installed.  Or we could check out a place like Bath Fitter.  Hmmm... their estimate comes to $2500.  No tax, but no thanks.

            Enter my handy neighbour.  I inadvertently notice he has a fancy looking marble tiled bathroom that he has done himself.  And he’s looking for work... for $25 per hour.  In Saskatchewan, if you can get a contractor for $25 per hour, you better be sure the guy is for real.  He looked okay to us.

            We decide right then and there to forget the surround – decide to go with something fancier like ceramic tile.  Might as well take the walls out, too, advises my neighbour, in case there’s mould.... uncontained mould.  We agreed.  There’s a little patch behind the surround that I douse with bleach.  “That’ll do,” says my neighbour, as I madly scrub the little green specks to oblivion.

Our super duper shower head, and more...

            The plumber came by to do the pipes.  He shows us what was wrong with the initial hook-up behind the wall.  “It’s not up to code,” he tells us.  It gives us a nice feeling inside that we’re now “up to code.” 

            Then he notices our toilet.  “Hmmm,” he says, looking at the serial number.  “This may be one of those toilets.”

            “One of what toilets?” I ask, knowing this isn’t leading anywhere good. 

“Oh, one of those that Crane made in the 1980s to save money – their tanks are faulty.  Millions of dollars in litigation over it in the U.S.  I won’t re-install this toilet – I just can’t knowing the risk.”

            While grateful that my plumber has a conscience, I’m not thrilled about spending an additional $300 on a toilet.  Until I sit on it.  It’s heavenly.  Sitting at 16.5 inches, elongated bowl, water-saving but extra power flush (apparently can flush down 100 golf balls) – this toilet makes you want to go to the bathroom.  (My wife doesn’t quite understand the thrill.  She likes the shower head better.)

            So we got the new toilet, new tiles around the bathtub, and most importantly, a new shower head. 

            But what about the floor?  That old linoleum has got to go.  We tile the floor, too.

The toilet that makes you want to go

            Next up?  The medicine cabinet – my wife never liked it.  Might as well buy the best and biggest medicine cabinet Lowe’s has to offer.  Problem is, the lights above it don’t really match anymore.  New lights – hey, I can install those!  Great, saved some cash!

            Finally, the countertop.  Might as well change that, too.  Thank goodness for ready-made countertops.  Fits perfect, after a little rejigging.  Put in a new backsplash, change the tap to match the bathtub fixtures, repaint the whole room, and we’re done.

            I now understand renovation inflation. 

            After about 30 trips to Lowe’s and three sleepless nights about how high I wanted the shower head, we got what we wanted.

            My wife got a new shower head.  And I got a new toilet.