My little plan to dissociate

  

I have a plan to survive the next four years. 

You know what – or rather who – I’m talking about. That guy who’s threatening our economy, democracy and the world order. That’s all I’m going to say about him. 

Please don’t judge me. About what I’m about to do. This is purely to maintain my sanity. 

I’ll still pay attention to things. I’m sure I will. I mean, how can you not? 

But for the most part, I will be practicing what some might call dissociation. 

Many people do it. Some without even trying. I will try, as humanly possible, to be like the citizen who only pays attention to politics at election time. Or even worse (gulp), the indifferent non-voter. I will attempt to be like (as far as I can imagine) the people who wake up in the morning not knowing who governs them. The people who don't know the difference between a premier and a prime minister. Would they even know we live in a constitutional monarchy?? Depending on their level of dissociation, I don’t know!

I understand, for some people, their interests lie elsewhere, like music, art, and spending time with friends and family. I get it. Politics turns most people off. So they go about their lives, meaninglessly drifting from one hedonistic pleasure to another (family gatherings included), agnostic to the powers that control their fate. What a life! 

But that is exactly who I aspire to be. For my psychological well-being, it is simply better to not know. Before you say it cannot be done, allow me to claim this: I have accomplished this once before. And no, it wasn’t during his last presidency.  

It was George W. Bush’s second term, when America was bringing democracy to Iraq (second gulp). Through advanced techniques in dissociation – I had no idea what it was called at the time – I came to the point where I actually saw the positive elements of Bush’s presidency. (To be absolutely fair, Bush initiated the AIDs relief program in Africa in 2003 that saved an estimated 25 million lives – a program that he-who-shall-not-be-named dismantled last month with the stroke of a Sharpie.)

This time around, I plan to be more intentional. Because, as bad as the decision to invade Iraq was, this seems so much worse. 

In my attempt to dissociate, I plan to make some significant life changes. Seeing as this is the season of Lent, it's a good time to commit to some new habits, if not forever, then at least for this period of time (and yes, I'm making these up as I go): 

 

• Instead of listening to political podcasts, I will tune in to "pop rock" radio and listen to interviews with musicians whom I know little about... like Lady Gaga (she's surprisingly relatable).
• Instead of watching the news, I will watch the new season of Survivor (Lord, help me). How is it that Jeff Probst has not aged since I last watched in 2001?
• Instead of getting upset about another tariff or a potential tariff or a "governor of Canada" remark, I will try a new health fad. I will eat a handful of nuts after each meal followed by a handful of dark chocolate. At the end of every week, I will endure a celery juice cleanse.
• Instead of reading the news, I will read Facebook every day. I will read at least one crazy post from a friend I've chosen not to ignore and say to myself, “That is so interesting. I could almost imagine myself thinking that way.” 
• Instead of expressing my anger and angst with friends and family who share my beliefs, I will tell them I am now apolitical. I will say to them, “There are good people and good arguments... on both sides.” I will test my friendships to the breaking point. 
• I will read my horoscope daily and believe it in my heart to be true.

 

Just one question: How long until Easter?