One has only to look back a generation to see how fatherhood has changed. I don’t think it’s an overgeneralization to say fathers are more involved in their kids’ lives than ever before. And (shockingly?) many of them enjoy it.
That’s to take nothing away from older generations of dads, some of whom are still active today as fathers and grandfathers. They did what was expected of them. Many played a significant role in their communities and in the lives of their kids.
Growing up in a small town, I was lucky to be influenced by many good fathers, my dad included. If there’s one thing boys need, it’s positive male role models.
Two men, both of whom have sadly passed, stick out in my mind. They were devoted to their families and their communities, whether that involved coaching baseball teams or serving as mayor of their small town. Their kids, who I grew up with, looked up to them with admiration. Sure, they may have joked about them with friends (we all have some good dad stories), but they rarely complained about them. They wish they were still here with them today.
The generational change from how their fathers parented may have been small but significant. Men who grew up in the 50s and 60s with somewhat more distant parents became a little more involved in their own families. They wanted to have a greater influence on the lives of their children.
Why is this? I can only speculate, but smaller families probably played a role. Also, feminism. Yes, feminism! If not for the large number of women entering the workforce over the last half century, fatherhood may not have so drastically changed. When their partner is putting in the same hours outside the home as they are, most men understand they have to pick up the slack.
These days, it’s not uncommon for men to take paternity leaves or to be a stay-at-home parent. It’s a mess. I mean, in their homes. It can be. I mean, I can imagine... Am I getting myself in trouble?
This too is a stereotype. Some men are actually very clean and organized. Have you seen some of the man caves out there?? Not only are they immaculate, but also tastefully decorated (why can't we decorate the whole house in a Green Bay Packers theme?)
Men are breaking down barriers in the home one step at a time. It’s a process. Do we still prefer working outside? Probably. Do we still like breaking and fixing things? Yes, especially the breaking. But there’s also a greater willingness to be involved in the lives of our children.
My cousin recently told me about his weekly schedule that revolved around his two kids and the hundreds of activities they’re involved in. To me, it sounded like a bit much, but he wasn’t bothered by it. He seemed to rather enjoy it. Living through your kids can have benefits.
I can relate to an extent. Watching my daughter compete at Ukrainian dance competitions for the last eight years was enjoyable and even a little addictive. Like the dreaded hockey parent, I could become quite competitive. It never came to shouting matches (it rarely does at dance competitions), but a seething resentment toward a judge was not uncommon. While I’m at it, let me get something off my chest: When you hire a judge that used to instruct at your own dance school, do you think she’ll be fair and unbiased to our dancers?? Really?!
Ahem. Getting back to, um, good parenting...
Young men (if you’re out there reading this), we all have it in us. You don’t need to be great but you can, at the very least, be present.
That alone can make the difference.
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