I had heard a lot about “therapy” but I’d never tried it. I’m a Mennonite, after all – traditionally, we don’t do therapy. I aways thought you’d have to hit rock bottom before heading down that road. So after bottoming out sometime last year, I decided to try some therapy.
The first step is to find a therapist. Trust me, there are many out there. I perused through a long list of professionals who listen to peoples’ problems for a living. These are amazing people, I thought to myself. Somehow therapists can remain interested in their troubled clients, hour after hour, listening to the same problems repeated over and over again (I may be speaking from personal experience).
Finally, I settled on one. Did this person happen to have the lowest hourly rate? Maybe. I must have gotten lucky because she also ended up being a very good therapist.
I should back up. I did have some “phone therapy” before my in-person therapy. That was not as good. I’m afraid to admit that, with this therapist, I had to put on a positive pretense so we could bring things to a close. Our last session ended something like: “I’m cured! Don’t need you anymore!” Almost immediately thereafter, I sunk into a deep depression.
My in-person therapy was different, even though I was initially skeptical. Would this be as ineffective as phone therapy? Would I be psycho-analyzed? Would I have to find my inner child?
There was none of that, or at least none that I’m consciously aware of. I'm limited in my evaluation as I still have no idea how therapy works. The main thing is that I’m seeing benefits.
To be fair, some studies have recently suggested that therapy is not as effective as is popularly claimed. This research showed that most people need to visit the same therapist at least 20 times before they experience positive outcomes. Based on how much therapists charge, that’s a big investment. Fortunately, not only did I have a therapist with one of the lowest hourly rates, but one that started making a difference by the second session.
The first session, on the other hand... was a little awkward. I don’t know if this is possible in therapy, buy maybe I overshared in that first hour? She seemed concerned – and not the kind of concern for my mental health – it was more the does this person have any upside? kind of look.
My therapist stuck with me (did she have a choice?) and I’m glad she did. I really think we’re both benefiting. By bringing up issues she’s never heard of before, I feel I've broadened her horizons and range of expertise. Yes, I’m that kind of client.
But to be serious for a moment, I did worry there wouldn’t be enough to talk about. One hour is a long time to think up things to say. So far, at least, this hasn’t been a problem. I come to each session with a list of issues to talk about, but rarely do I refer to them. We may talk about something altogether different for a full 60 minutes.
That’s not to say we don’t address the issues that need to be addressed. In many cases, I don’t recognize the underlying issues – those of the subconscious? – until we start talking. It helps to put a voice to one’s thoughts.
I could get all Freudian on you but that may not help, largely because I don’t understand his theories. I’m sure most therapists don’t look to him for guidance anymore, but he at least presented some interesting ideas. He once famously said that the goal of therapy is to transform “psychotic misery into common unhappiness.”
Slowly, I think I’m getting there, one therapy session at a time.
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