You are your news feed

  

When my co-workers said they didn't hear much about the war in Ukraine anymore, I had to do a double take. Were they not following the news? Were they (gulp) that ignorant? They're educated people who fully support Ukraine's fight against Russia. But for them, and most others, I suddenly realized the Ukraine war doesn’t make it into their news feed. 

The war is in the background, arising every now and then, but rarely making the top headlines. When entire cities are razed to the ground over and over again, we become desensitized. To most people, that’s old news. 

I realize there's an intense algorithm working in my computer that focuses solely on Ukraine. Every day, a few articles pop up telling me about how Ukraine blew up something in Russia or how many civilians have died or how Russia is continually advancing. 

Whether for good or bad, I want to stay on top of things. I receive email updates from someone who summarizes all the latest Ukraine news. It even includes perspectives from people on the ground in Ukraine – people who live in the middle of it, close to the war’s frontline.

Do I stay as interested in other international affairs like the war in Gaza and Israel? Unfortunately, like most people, my interest has waned. I don’t get many news articles on Israel, even though it’s a serious international conflict. 

We are what we read and watch – what we consume for news. Sometimes this can have unintended consequences. News can make us think that the world is falling apart. I’ve written about this before, but the world is still a great place to live. Overall, we have more peace, less death, and more wealth than ever before in human history. Does that mean we feel great? Not at all! Under the best conditions, we can still feel like the world is going to hell in a handbasket. 

This is likely a natural human tendency. But I would say it’s also natural to be overly optimistic in times of great peril. Which side of our brain wins depends a lot on what we immerse ourselves in. 

As a self-proclaimed Debbie Downer, I’m naturally drawn to news that is negative (unless it pertains to Ukraine – then positive news is welcome!) I do, however, still receive a weekly newsletter that includes only good news stories, which is incredibly frustrating to me because there’s not one piece of bad news in it! I glance at the headlines that read: “Fewer kids dying of disease”, “More ecological area protected in Brazil”, “Gay rights protected in more countries than ever before.” I’m not playing this stuff down – this is great news for the world and I celebrate it! But I’m not motivated to read about it the same way I read about politics or a war zone.  

My brain may even be configured to not believe in the good. When someone tells me something positive that happened, I sometimes think to myself, So what’s the potential downside of this so-called good news? 

It goes without saying that this is a source of psychological misery for many people, myself included. If we don’t temper our intake of news, we can become absorbed by the doom and gloom that may infiltrate our thoughts.

The same can be said for political views. We tend to read and listen to those stories and viewpoints that confirm our biases. This can make the “other” seem that much worse than they really are. This contributes to division and makes it that much more difficult to resolve conflicts. 

I won’t be shutting down my news algorithms (how do you, anyway?) because it’s important to have a sense of the human suffering that goes on in the world. I certainly won’t stop reading about Ukraine, a war that affects so many people I care for. 

But to be aware that we are limited in our viewpoint, and that the world is not as bad a place as the news makes it out to be, is important, too. 

 

 

One year in therapy later

  

I had heard a lot about “therapy” but I’d never tried it. I’m a Mennonite, after all – traditionally, we don’t do therapy. I aways thought you’d have to hit rock bottom before heading down that road. So after bottoming out sometime last year, I decided to try some therapy. 

The first step is to find a therapist. Trust me, there are many out there. I perused through a long list of professionals who listen to peoples’ problems for a living. These are amazing people, I thought to myself. Somehow therapists can remain interested in their troubled clients, hour after hour, listening to the same problems repeated over and over again (I may be speaking from personal experience).  

Finally, I settled on one. Did this person happen to have the lowest hourly rate? Maybe. I must have gotten lucky because she also ended up being a very good therapist. 

I should back up. I did have some “phone therapy” before my in-person therapy. That was not as good. I’m afraid to admit that, with this therapist, I had to put on a positive pretense so we could bring things to a close. Our last session ended something like: “I’m cured! Don’t need you anymore!” Almost immediately thereafter, I sunk into a deep depression. 

My in-person therapy was different, even though I was initially skeptical. Would this be as ineffective as phone therapy? Would I be psycho-analyzed? Would I have to find my inner child? 

There was none of that, or at least none that I’m consciously aware of. I'm limited in my evaluation as I still have no idea how therapy works. The main thing is that I’m seeing benefits. 

To be fair, some studies have recently suggested that therapy is not as effective as is popularly claimed. This research showed that most people need to visit the same therapist at least 20 times before they experience positive outcomes. Based on how much therapists charge, that’s a big investment. Fortunately, not only did I have a therapist with one of the lowest hourly rates, but one that started making a difference by the second session. 

The first session, on the other hand... was a little awkward. I don’t know if this is possible in therapy, buy maybe I overshared in that first hour? She seemed concerned – and not the kind of concern for my mental health – it was more the does this person have any upside? kind of look. 

My therapist stuck with me (did she have a choice?) and I’m glad she did. I really think we’re both benefiting. By bringing up issues she’s never heard of before, I feel I've broadened her horizons and range of expertise. Yes, I’m that kind of client. 

But to be serious for a moment, I did worry there wouldn’t be enough to talk about. One hour is a long time to think up things to say. So far, at least, this hasn’t been a problem. I come to each session with a list of issues to talk about, but rarely do I refer to them. We may talk about something altogether different for a full 60 minutes. 

   That’s not to say we don’t address the issues that need to be addressed. In many cases, I don’t recognize the underlying issues – those of the subconscious? – until we start talking. It helps to put a voice to one’s thoughts. 

I could get all Freudian on you but that may not help, largely because I don’t understand his theories. I’m sure most therapists don’t look to him for guidance anymore, but he at least presented some interesting ideas. He once famously said that the goal of therapy is to transform “psychotic misery into common unhappiness.”  

Slowly, I think I’m getting there, one therapy session at a time.