You can bet it won’t happen in 2015

            Now that the new year is upon us, everyone likes to predict what we will be in for in 2015.  It’s an interesting exercise because, of course, nobody really knows.  And who ever goes back in time to see if someone actually predicted the truth?  Did anyone predict the huge drop in the price of oil?  Oh wait, I did – check out my Scoop’s View in November 2012 (yah, brag, brag, brag…)

Nevertheless, it’s probably safer to predict what won’t happen.  And so here are my predictions of what won’t happen in 2015.  Each of these has a moderate to high likelihood of not coming true.

            In the world of popular culture, which I am so familiar with (ahem), Justin Bieber will stay out of jail.  Not only that, but he will form a non-profit organization to help celebrities like him stay out of jail.  This will lead to an outpouring of public support where funds will be raised by people dumping moderately heavy objects on their heads.  It will catch on like wildfire, with many well-known non-jail-going celebrities participating.  Before anyone knows what they’re raising money for, they’ll have raised millions.

Too cool for yoga - skipping is the new rage.

Speaking of fads, in 2015 a new fitness trend will emerge involving extensive skipping.  Not just skipping with a rope, but actually skipping down the street like you’re really happy and about to break into some kind of cool dance.  Skipping sessions will become the new rage; new fitness videos will come out; people will start carrying them around like their coffee mugs; and work places will feature skip breaks instead of coffee or yoga sessions.  Ah, yoga... that was so 2014. 

            In the world of sports, the Blue Jays will win the World Series, the Toronto Raptors will win the NBA finals, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers will win the Grey Cup, and the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup (even saying that one as a joke seems wrong).  It will be such a year of Canadian teams ruling the world (and when I say the world, I mean the United States), that we won’t care anymore what the U.S. thinks of us (unless it’s about the way we talk).

In the world of new slang, the term, “Zah boyz” will start to catch on.  While the attempt to first propagate this term in 2000 only caught on with a few of us university students, its general appeal (through the extensive help of You Tube) will finally spread in 2015.  The term, originally meant to convey, “Oh boy” is essentially a play on “oh” and “boy,” as in, “Toronto really won the Stanley Cup?  Zah boyz.”

            In the economic realm, world traders will realize oil is no longer valuable to our world economy and the price will drop to $2 a barrel.  This will follow a sudden  crash in commodities, after which Putin will be deposed as a dictator and democracy will return to Russia.  The rock-bottom oil prices will last a few days, until investors realize that the world does need resources, and the price of oil will again double... to $4 a barrel.

            Finally, in the political realm, the NDP and Liberals will come together in the spring to form a new party called the New Democratic Liberals. With Justin Trudeau and the guy with the beard becoming co-party leaders, they will be a force for Harper to reckon with in this fall’s election.  This will ultimately lead to the first time in Canadian history that our nation will have not one, but two equally powerful prime ministers.  This will create a new division of powers in Canada, where either Trudeau or the guy with the beard can effectively veto the other.  In this unprecedented arrangement of power, the two sign an agreement where they must share the same Prime Minister’s office, and cannot attend a meeting of any importance without the other being present.  There will be only one division of responsibilities: the guy with the beard will respond to the media and Trudeau will attend just-for-fun speaking engagements (if no journalists are present.)

            Take them or leave them, these are my bold, non-predictions for 2015.