Americans adore our liberal golden boy

Much has been made of July's Rolling Stone edition where a strapping Justin Trudeau adorns the cover. The headline reads: "Justin Trudeau: Why can't he be our president?"

While it's great to see Canadian leaders in the American spotlight, I'm a tad squeamish over the unreflective adoration. When the article can't even properly identify the political party Trudeau leads (not the Liberty Party), one wonders whether our American friends value appearance over substance. 

Now granted, if I were an American I'd be fawning over just about any national leader who could offer some sanity to the Oval Office, too. But are the two leaders really so different?  Bear with me here (again), but let's not forget how similar their rise to power was. As I've said before, the two leaders share more in common than one might think.  

Both are pretty green when it comes to politics. They're outsiders, or at least they've portrayed themselves as such. We all know Trudeau grew up at 24 Sussex Drive, but that was a long time ago. He's a relative newbie to the world of adult politics and he's shown it (remember the elbowing incident in Parliament?)

Then there's the charisma. No matter their politics, they both ooze charisma that would have folks lay down their lives for them... Or take up arms, which is scary. 

And finally, they're true to their character, almost to a fault. Trudeau is unfazed by having his picture taken with topless women in a Pride parade. Trump is unfazed by saying or tweeting just about anything that comes into his over-sized head. 

Future political leaders can learn something from both of them. Don't try to be someone you're not. Speak passionately about your goals, whether it's a beautiful Mexican-financed wall or taxing the wealthy. Say what you mean, even if you don't end up doing as you say. And, for goodness sake, maintain a good head of hair!

This is a recipe for political victory. Governing, on the other hand, is a different story. 

And this is where the two diverge. As much as Trudeau has been criticized after nearly two years in power, he hasn't blown the place up yet. When he's made mistakes, he's been willing to admit to them. He's shown flexibility and a willingness to learn on the job.  

Can the same be said for Trump?  Hmmmm.... let's not think too hard... After seven months as president (has it really only been half a year??), he's most assuredly the same flawed character. His thin-skinned, egocentric nature is putting at risk the country and the Republican Party. His unwillingness to understand policy and the political system has rendered him ineffective in legislating change. Some think his style is better suited to a dictatorship (he certainly admires them), but even dictators require competence; if he were president of Russia, he'd be deposed in a week.

When everything's taken into account, there really is no comparison between Trudeau and Trump. It's like comparing ice-cream to liver. While some 30% of Americans still prefer the foul egocentrism of a deranged demagogue (my apologies to people who like liver), the vast majority scream for our sweet, socialist golden boy. 

And so Trudeau may be memorialized forever in American history: The best American prime minister who never was.

Libraries must give slow readers a chance

When my wife paid off my library fines, I became a little irate. 

I had no intention of paying the charges. I had held them for 10 years and no one had revoked my library membership yet. And because of the wonders of inflation, I had reduced their value by 25%. In another thirty years, my library debt would have virtually been eliminated! 

But there was more to it than paying the $1.30 I owed – it was the principle of it. A library shouldn't threaten with fines. Should I be punished for my book-hoarding transgressions? I think it's actually a good sign if you're hanging on to a book longer than it's due. It means you're reading. True, you might be a slow reader, but at least you're trying.

Instead of e-mailing me threatening messages about my library books being overdue, what about a friendly message like this: "You must really be enjoying your book. We understand that you may want a few more days to finish, so go ahead, take some more time! Most important of all, keep reading!" 

I'm currently reading a 1,000 page novel. There's no way I get through it in three weeks. I max out at 10 pages a day.... meaning I'll need at least three months. As usual, I'll have to max out on my renewals, then physically return the book and sign it out again. The trials I must endure!

But I don't want to come down too hard on libraries, because they really are a good thing. The library is a treasure-cove of information, an oasis of creativity and learning for children and adults alike. Even if you rarely visit a library, the fact that it's there is important. Just as you may never visit the Amazon rainforest, the fact that it exists is important to life on earth. (This is  a slight stretch when applied to libraries, but I know it to be true.) 

They're particularly vital for those of us who lack the resources to actually buy books. My daughter has at times had up to 100 books signed out in her name. I can't afford this kind of reading. While it's nice when my daughter receives a book as a gift, I know that the book will be sitting on her bookshelf within the next few days – where it will remain for a lifetime. It's consumed in a day or two and then done.  

I have old books, too, many of which I have yet to finish (partially do to the slow reading issue.) They'd be better off in a library.

Perhaps I'm resistant to change, but I think physical libraries still have a place in our digital world. By the sounds of it, the electronic age is not the end of the printed book after all. E-book sales have actually dropped in the last two years while paper book sales have increased. Humans will continue to crave the physical, no matter how electronic we become. Even if we turn into cyborgs one day, with electronic encyclopedias crammed into the interfaces of what's left of our brains, we may still want to go to the library to pick up a book – to hear the sound of pages turn, if nothing else. We certainly won't need to go there to surf the Internet (unless your brain has exceeded its monthly data plan). 

Call me old fashioned, but there's something comforting about having libraries around. Never mind their idle threats of fines.

Trump's conversation with Trudeau revealed

 This just in... The April 25th phone conversation between President Trump and Prime Minister Trudeau has been leaked to the press. The unofficial transcript reads as follows: 

Trump: Hello, Justin, or Bonjour, as they like to say in Canada. Do you speak French? Would you like a translator? We have some great translators here in the White House. Some wonderful French translators – beautiful French translators, in fact. I'll get one. 

Trudeau: [chuckling] No, that's fine Mr. President. We can speak in English. Comment ca va? 

Trump: Umm, okay, I'll get that translator. 

Trudeau: Just kidding! In all seriousness, how are you? Congratulations on your impressive political victory. 

Trump: Justin, I'm doing very well. I am wonderful. Do you know I won the biggest electoral victory in all of U.S. history? It was beautiful. I won the electoral colleges, which is more difficult than winning the popular vote. They say that there were three million illegitimate voters, by the way. Most of them from Mexico.... every one of them voted for Hillary. 

Trudeau: Uh-huh. Mr. President, I was wondering if we could discuss some of our common concerns, and how we might preserve our relationship through strengthening trade and economic opportunities. Your softwood lumber duties aren't going over very well here (nervous laugh). But, being the successful business man you are, I know you must have some great ideas for our two countries. 

Trump: You know, Justin - I hope you don't mind me calling you Justin - I have a lot of friends who are from Canada, and they tell me all the time how wonderful it is to visit my resorts. I want us to continue to be friends. But NAFTA is bad, Justin, and I know because I campaigned on it, and there were crowds of 25,000, sometimes 50,000, that screamed really loud when I said I was going to scrap NAFTA. And so all these jobs, in Ohio and Michigan, states that I won, Justin, are going away and I really can't stand for that because politically, I would be in deep doo-doo. 

Trudeau: I understand your concerns, but perhaps we can update NAFTA without scrapping it. Many northern states also rely on trade from Canada. We're deeply intertwined, you see – a job lost in Ontario could also mean a job lost in Michigan – a state you handily won, if I recall correctly. 

Trump: [chuckles] Yes, I did win it – I won it bigly. These are my people, Justin. They adore me. You know what it's like to be adored? 

Trudeau: Actually, I do. Ever been in a gay Pride Parade? 

Trump: It's the most beautiful feeling in the world to have thousands of people screaming your name. It's like when Melania tickles my toes at night... deeply satisfying. Where's that French translator, anyway? 

Trudeau: Um, getting back to NAFTA, perhaps we could talk about this later, maybe after you repeal Obamacare? 

Trump: We could do that. Justin, I want to tell you that this has been one of the most pleasant phone calls so far, other than the one with Putin of course. That was incredible – it was like I was talking to a long, lost friend – a lost friend who speaks Russian, but a very close friend who makes me feel like a man again. 

Trudeau: Well, I gotta go. 

Trump: Good-bye, Justin. Together we'll make America great again. 

Trudea: Uh-huh. Bonne chance, Monsieur President. [click]